Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
