I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
