Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it was like eating out sand paper
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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