1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
