IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
