mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
