I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
