you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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