Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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