His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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