good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize