what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It's just like the Real World with babies
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Randomize
