I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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