hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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