I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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