yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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