I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
