I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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