Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
