Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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