so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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