You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is Oprah even human
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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