I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
