Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
