I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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