wat bout pragnant strippers??
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
