If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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