they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
