you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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