I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
