I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
