Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize