Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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