don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
