So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
a search helicopter?!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
