I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
