dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
