her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
