so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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