Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think I am morally bankrupt
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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