she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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