I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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