would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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