i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
