idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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