When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
