Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
