Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
