well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
