I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
