I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
