Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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