Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
