My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
