I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
