Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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