I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
