he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
