So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
