She said her name was "party"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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