Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
