I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
