bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
are you so shy because you have an std?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
why do cheetos always look like penises
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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