My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
