she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
