Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
