I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
