Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Small penises have feelings too.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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