theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I AM VODKA MAN
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
