We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
smell my finger.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
