is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
