the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
