Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
