1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
