broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's rum buckets o'clock
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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